I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
