so explain again why im purple
no
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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