The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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