its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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