Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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