The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
