Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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