you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
