I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just forgot I was standing up.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
