I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
