he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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