o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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