I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
