Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
