I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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