yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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