dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
