im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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