What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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