he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
