Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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