what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
