My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
