Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh god it's open bar.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
