Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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