the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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