Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
