Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
