I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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