Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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