my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
