I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
