He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dicks are not precious.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
