okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
