I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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