the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I see more hoeing in ur future
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
