She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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