Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
