Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
