She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
