i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
