Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
