I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
