So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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