Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
