I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
