As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
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id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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