Welp...herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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