Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
