i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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