A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
