Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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