I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
