as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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