are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
