the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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