every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
high people should be assigned attendants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
