That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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