dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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