grandma shit on top of the toilet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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