school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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