Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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