well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
