I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize