Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
