"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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