i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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