Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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