Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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