Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have started to decorate penises.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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