and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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