Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
