Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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