his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
