Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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