Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My bed smells like the plague
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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