If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
