textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
