I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
