U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We got so high we made milksteak
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
